(Abby Cahoone) Do you find yourself saying yes to things too often? To then get quickly drained from having many commitments? Or maybe you have some people in your life who simply take up a lot of your energy? Who you love and want to please at whatever cost to you. We’ve all probably been there, and if you find yourself feeling this way, it may be time to start putting some boundaries in place.
By Abby Cahoone, September 10th, 2018
The Importance of Boundaries
You are a wonderful piece of the Universe, a divine masterpiece in the making. We all are. But that does not mean you have to constantly give yourself to everything and everyone that needs your time. The beauty of life is that we ultimately get to make our own decisions on what we give our energy to. It is a power given to us from birth. But this so often gets clouded by feelings of guilt or worry. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be there for people and help them, but it is important to pay attention to your needs more than anyone else’s. When your cup is full you can give your all, pouring from a half-empty cup will ultimately drain you.
1. Get Real About What You Want
A very important step in the process of setting boundaries! If you do not have an idea about who you are, what you want, what you believe, and where you want to go then this is a perfect place to start! You won’t be able to set a boundary if you are unaware of your own personal goals and what you need for your wellbeing.
Try asking yourself the following;
- What needs do I need to be fulfilled?
- Of those needs what can I do on my own? What do I need from other people?
- How much time do I need to myself every day to feel whole?
- How much time am I willing to give to other people in a day?
- What kinds of people/ surroundings will help me in my own personal growth?
You may notice other questions like this pop into your head as you answer these, answer those ones too! This will be a guideline you can refer back to in case you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, drained, etc. Simply see what you are not following in the above “reality” you have outlined for yourself and see where you should make mindful adjustments.
2. What Are Your Limits?
Now what you know what you want, you need to pay attention to what you don’t want or what doesn’t fly for you.
Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.
Once you have decided what your limits are it’s time to get those boundaries in place. Pay attention to where you have given too much of yourself. Get completely real and transparent with yourself. You don’t have to sugarcoat this part of the process by any means. The less you do that the better! This may be a place where you want to start mindfully putting some new rules or guidelines in place. This can take time, practice, and it will require some amount of dedication. After some time keeping to these limits will feel like second nature to you. Maybe making a list of what you will and will not say yes to, to begin will help you. Perhaps practicing saying “no” to someone in the mirror will help. Or maybe just being more aware of these limits you have is enough for you to get the ball rolling.
3. Stand Your Ground
One of the most important parts of setting a boundary is sticking to it. This can also be the trickiest as we have been saying “yes” to so many things for so long. If you are not taking the time to follow through and assert yourself, you could end up feeling angry or slighted. It is important to continue to pay attention to the boundaries you are setting and making sure you are staying true to them. This does not mean you have to be rude to people when you say no, strive to make more time for yourself or begin to put up necessary barries between you and a situation. But it does mean that time and time again, as these patterns re-appear (and they likely will at first) you have to make sure you are continuously saying “no” to something that you do not ultimately want. Standing your ground can become a very empowering practice when done in alignment with your own personal truth.
4. Minding Your Thoughts
The thoughts we think have power, there is a powerful energy behind every thought we think and as we continue to focus on a certain idea that will grow from the inside out. When you are thinking anywhere from 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day you can see why it might be important to pay attention to what you are putting your focus on.
Something as simple as asking yourself “Is this thought truly serving me?” when you start to feel anxious can be enough to help you shift your focus in a more conducive-to-growth direction. It may sound difficult to start the process of paying attention to your thoughts, but this simple practice will really help you see what you are putting your attention to in order to see where you may need to begin to put up a limit or two.
5. Remember Saying “No” Is Enough
I can not tell you how many times I hear others and my self from time to time, justify why they are saying no to something. You do not HAVE to give a reason for every no you give. Saying no does not make you evil, bad, terrible, unworthy, in fact, it makes you more powerful. We have an aversion to the word because we do not want to hurt people’s feelings. Trust me, saying no in a polite way is always enough, you do not have to continue to tell a story or ramble off a list of reasons why you can’t or don’t want to do something. Value your no, it’s enough!
“Daring to set boundaires is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk dissapointing others.”
There Are Benefits To Boundaries
Some pretty great things will begin to happen when you set energetic standards for yourself and hold yourself to it. Some benefits you will notice are; you have more time for yourself, you are less angry, you will take better care of yourself, you will become more self-aware, your stress decreases, you communicate better, you won’t be afraid of the word “no”, and you will become far more understanding of yourself and others. This is just a few of the benefits you’ll see when you begin to take the steps to stick to the limits you need.
Remember, boundaries are a healthy part of life. You will gain so much personal power and freedom when you practice standing up for yourself and your needs.
Own your Power, Own your Frequency
About The Author
Abby Cahoone, a spiritual philosopher and avid live streamer, harnesses her intuitive talents to help empower people. Abby is dedicated to utilizing her skills, experience, and understanding of life force energy (through sessions focused on Reiki healing, meditation, and personal empowerment) to breathe life into people’s spiritual practices across the United States. It is her goal to help people tap into their own abilities to create amazing lives for themselves and help wake them up to the amazing connection to the Universe that we all have.
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