by Derek Lovell
Navigating shifts in a friendship can be a confusing and uncomfortable experience. We share stories and experiences and there are many attachments that link the two of us together. We don’t want to hurt anyone but we feel that something has shifted in the relationship.
Author – Derek Lovell
What Is Your Heart Telling You?
Our heart always knows the way to our highest good. When we lead from our heart we will never create chaos, but rather vulnerability, truth, and progression.
Our body is impeccably aligned with our highest good. It will always guide us to where we are meant to be, so long as we slow down and trust in what our body is telling us. Who are you excited to spend more time with and who brings on an anxious feeling before, during, or after spending time together?
This Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Love Them
Letting someone go or choosing to spend less time together doesn’t mean that you don’t love them. I’ve had to let go of many amazing people in my life and it was never because I didn’t love them. I still think about the friends I have chosen to take space from, and I actively send them love and wish the best for them.
When we avoid difficult situations to protect ourselves or the feelings of others, we are doing a disservice to everyone involved, especially ourselves. We are not serving anyone by staying in a relationship in which we don’t feel understood, celebrated, loved or met.
When we stand in our truth regardless of the discomfort that may come along with that, not only do we grow but we bring upon growth and transformation for the others involved as well. Chances are, if you’re feeling this way, they are too!
Are Your Friends Celebrating Your Success?
Are your friends there to celebrate your successes or does their own self judgement and lack of self-love get in the way of celebrating you? Our highest desire is to be loved and being celebrated is a form of love.
Rather than feeling frustrated or hurt by your friends not celebrating you, can you have compassion for them in that they aren’t able to celebrate themselves and therefore are not able to celebrate you? Can you choose compassion, but honor what you need and how you desire to be met in relationship?
It Doesn’t Need To Be Difficult
Some friendships naturally phase away and there isn’t a need to label or judge that experience. Typically, this happens when both people are consciously aware that shifts have taken place and both trust in where their hearts are guiding them.
Other times it can be more difficult if we have a long history together, share mutual friends, and are attached to stories and agreements from the past. When it feels difficult, most often this is a sign that one person has made big shifts internally or externally and that has created a space that no longer feels in alignment for the friendship.
Come from love. Love always wins. Telling someone you don’t want to be friends sounds scary and painful, but it doesn’t need to be this difficult. How can you explain how you are feeling in a way that comes from a space of love?
Can You Make New Agreements?
If letting someone go completely doesn’t resonate for you in this moment, trust in that. There may be more to learn from the relationship.
For me, relationships without any attachment are what feel most alive. Some friends have understood the shift in how I show up as a friend now, and we connect when the time feels right. Other friends have had a difficult time adjusting from being ‘best friends’ to a relationship of no attachment and less time spent together.
What would it look like for you to tell youR friend how you’ve been feeling? Would they listen and reflect on what you’ve said or would they get defensive? What kind of friendships are you truly desiring in your life? How important is this relationship to you?
When We Follow Our Hearts…
When we are living from our hearts, the universe will always support us. Whenever I’ve had shifts in friendships, either with creating new agreements or choosing to take space, I have always been gifted with someone more in alignment with who I am in this moment.
I’ve attracted new friends that magically enter my life in the most unexpected ways and it’s always a very clear sign that this is a gift for following my heart and taking action from that inspired place. But it takes time.
If you want deeper connection, a stronger, more authentic and supportive tribe, it requires us to be bold. It could mean a state of discomfort as we navigate these shifts and have real, honest conversations.
Will you choose to stay in the discomfort of knowing something is out of alignment, or will you choose to move through the discomfort into a space of ease, deeper connection, expansion and love?
Will you ignore what your heart wants, or will you honour the gift your body is leading you towards?
Derek Lovell offers relationship & lifestyle coaching to those in search of attaining their highest potential in their lives and relationships. By assisting his clients through the challenges that present themselves in their day to day lives, you are able to live a life with purpose and ease. For more articles from Derek, check out DerekLovellCoaching.com